His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
