didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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