some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
only you would photoshop your dick
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
