Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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