wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
