i dont even know how to be here
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
