drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
