she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
