You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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