Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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