i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
