it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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