his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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