i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
