There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
