I will die if light touches me.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
