well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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