So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
