No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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