whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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