her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
