I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
