Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
