I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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