So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
