even my farts smell like vagina
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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