it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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