they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
