so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
