Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
