Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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