I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
