I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
