If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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