ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
