So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
