I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
