There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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