so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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