i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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