i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
