Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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