So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
