My hand turned me down
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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