we have pet lesbian snakes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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