I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
