at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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