I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
