How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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