Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
