I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
