Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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