Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
