i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
