Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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