We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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