sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
