Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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