idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
