if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
