We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
