i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i was born a porn star she said
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
