addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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